midnight scribbles

sweet sleep after depression

busy picking pimples on my forehead
looking forward to the day before my death
his comic sense breaks through
the moment he is curious.
not every father is abraham-
some sons die for less.
but bless his heart he knew
what he wanted.
he stole the money
to sit on the floor
near the wisest of men.

a gaudy shade of lipstick
decorated and hid her mouth
the maw of death.
paul new man as director
told the actor to sing his lines in C
harmonicas played the tune to guide him
twice more he tried before the new man got his wish.
he warned us that the mayor was quite crooked
but still we couldn't just sit still
but beyond a call to action
his meaning was not clear.

I returned to the room
having fled to pee
in a drawer of toilet water and cosmetics
opposite their beds
invaded the star's intimate privacy
did you know jimmy green
twice we studied together
once a book of lore
the other philosophy too pure to fathom.

haven't seen him since seventy and two
i was intimidated by the man
never knew anyone like him.
i know i'm not black
the hobo said to me
because you're scared of black people
but you're not scared of me.

I wore his jacket for the moment
too big for me it kept me warm
i folded it and placed it on the table
I ignored her hand with its wedding band
offering a comfort i could not accept.

The borders between my faith and fear
lacked all order.
chaos reigned fiercely all through that night.
forever is a long time,
but it's deeper than just that.
don't bully me just cuz you're
first born to this horror.
no one knows the hour of your death.
the actors wait their lines
the soldiers wait their orders.
god knows the borders between reality and myth
were meant to be hopscotched like a child's game.
Don't bet against him no matter what the odds.
the father is quite fond of him
and will cheat in his behalf.