yerida here we come

i told my sister that i was planning to move back to new york at the end of this year and she didn't take it well. of course she insisted that i did not make an adequate attempt to integrate which is obviously true. she should live to be 700 years old and i should see here twice a year.

freyda is in bad shape. a virus causing her pneumonia which could be something that she is vulnerable to that other people who have not had bone marrow transplants are not vulnerable to.

i don't know what i'm doing this year. and my desire for new york and my desire for reefer are confusing. but this is not me, this is me on a break.

israel holding onto the west bank for security reasons can be justified. israel holding on to the west bank for a land grab cannot be justified.

the lack of family that shares my "left wing" point of view does not help my assimilation here.

the war in gaza did not help my assimilation here.

the election of netanyahu did not help my assimilation here.

my reaction to my return to israel on august 6th of last year was at the basis of all this.

my lack of finding a female that i would respond to or that i would allow myself to respond to, is at the basis of all this.

i have never come close to getting a real job here.

micha giving me the heave ho did not help.

cutting off relations with klitsner by allowing myself to be overcome with the obsession with his/her daughter did not help.

one arabic teacher alienating a female student from me and one arabic teacher alienating himself from me did not help matters.

hating this fucking country did not help matters.

my shyness without reefer did not help matters.

Gassel wedding

I went to the Gassel wedding in Abu Gosh last night. turns out there was a bus provided by the gassels to get to the wedding, which i was able to use coming home, but they didn't let me know and i used public transportation, which wasn't egged, but superbus #185, which the place didn't tell me, but egged told me and involved a few phone calls and much worries and worrying mom because of the weiss's who were going to be there.

i said hello to the weiss's at the wedding. nate didn't even say hi though i was 18 inches away from him, but leah responded friendly.

the batemans were there, david and beverly and their presence changed the affair from a negative to a plus (a mild plus, but a plus nevertheless). the place was very nice. lorin was quite nice. ray repeats things and hardly ever says anything interesting. debbie more or less waits him out. rafi seemed to appreciate my gift. ( i think i gave tzvia a hundred more shekels, which was before i even knew that lorin knew about my sin. their wedding was two and a half years ago. only wedding regret i should have gone to shrader's wedding.)

beverly is selling real estate. (what a waste that such a creative person should be doing something so mercenary.) when i said i wasn't working, she said that sucks, which is true in terms of adjusting to living here that it sucks.

i talked openly to bateman, even mentioning the split between aryeh and me. he has covered the be fruitful and multiply side and all i need to do now is accomplish something. he is out of the rabbinate and he said it was addictive, the hero worship part of it. the upshot of all my copying down of my autobio and writing about aryeh is that he spooks me.

her cousin in ezras torah is rich, and her cousin's mother is both upset that he didn't make more money and also didn't become a talmid chochom.

money, money, money was all beverly really talked about. except her exception with the "i can't sit next to a woman who's not my wife". the couple from shilo who arrived there on erev yom kippur three years ago after a short stay in har nof, who invited me to sleep in their son's room. their son is a renaissance man who studies music at a high school yeshiva geared towards music (in the territories). they were the ones who told me about the bus that was leaving and "saved" me from the experience of waiting for the superbus out in abu gosh.

the woman who i met at gassel's a few purim's ago and who was at the wedding of tzvia. (little gassel, i called her) and who lives on karnei shomron, didn't recognize me which is no great loss to me.

i sat next to a lawyer from minneapolis who had spent many years in chicago, who set up a business for israelis who then fired him and he told me of various hiring and firing shennanigans by israeli companies and his wife is now cleaning homes and he is watching money that he saved (not that mommy and daddy gave me, but that i earned and saved) dwindle away.

someone announced that there had been a bris of his grandchild on yom kippur and i wondered how the mohel did metzitza. (beverly drinking tempted me to drink, but the yetzer tov won out and i drank coca cola instead.)

how old are you? beverly asked. i hesitated. you can say. finally i got 55 out, and i was a year younger than she and david. but can i still have a slice of bread. i look young for my age.

the corned beef at the smorgasbord was to be chewed and spit out. the meat at the meal was better than that.

the rabbi who read the ketuba dissed abu gosh and said yeah for kiryat yearim or anavim or whatever.
the lawyer next to me, predicted sharia as the system of government for sweden in a few years.

i didn't have all that much to say to beverly and david or ray and debbie and found a seat when they wanted to start the chupa although i sat ten minutes before the crowd was sufficiently subdued. i had brought my knapsack with me, which was a pain in the butt, but i pulled out my dictionary and read.

after going to the bank this morning, i saw klitsner at the mega and said hello. kind of awkward. i gave him my phone number. "we were talking about when to invite you." he wished me a good kvitel (chasidic connections) . first time i ever talked to someone in the mega, have spoken to people in the mall.

i got a sruga yarmulka at the wedding.

the guy next to me hoped i wouldn't make yerida. bateman's hero worship got me thinking about becoming a rabbi. comments about the rabbi's anti abu gosh comment got me thinking about my future as a prominent leftist in israel.

mondoweiss reports from "palestine"

mondo describes people who steal artifacts as "vermin". calling them the lowest of the low would have been better than using the term "vermin". mondo reports others saying that what they saw in hebron reminded them of what they read about the Nazis. thus putting it in journalistically acceptable format, but still comparing the actions of the Hebron people to Nazis.

peace talks in washington

netanyahu and abbas met in washington d.c. it feels foolish and naive to be hopeful and i have yet to discuss this latest development with any living soul for fear of allowing unwarranted optimism to creep into my conversation. (last night the headline was palestinians do 180 degree turnabout on negotiations. this morning: erekat says netanyahu dragging his heels.) but phil weiss calls the talks a "farce" which shows where his heart is and walt no longer references mondoweiss on his blog. amnesty international has attacked the attack on settlers last week, there is some argument regarding this on mondo. obviously they should not be there (in the west bank) obviously if they are going to be there, they need to be armed. obviously this should not be used as an excuse to harass palestinians.

personal notes: shabbos was lonely. i went to the city last night late and walked back via aza. arabic "progresses". my lamp went out. got e mail from joe greenholtz. need to call larry vis a vis my books. harold proved useless. he is ducking creditors. i am making progress getting godthoughts down to a minimum. no intention to hear the shofar blowing. mich norm phone call after shabbat- more pain, but nothing specific. wrote e mail to joyce. the girl in the ahava got a shach and taz. shazz means exception (arabic). need to get back on track vis a vis liberty and vis a vis angriest and vis a vis bmp, which is too many, so i need to choose. many thoughts of education, but few actions.

(Y3) let me out of here!

yesterday the combination of fatigue and a plumber who made things worse instead of better made me wish to leave here shortly (60 days instead of 300 days), but a busride to my parents calmed me down (despite the fact that i almost got run over on the way there, in the crosswalk nearest my house. called the driver a fucking cunt which elicited a smile from a dib). showed them the last half hour of history boys (informed pa that he better like it because tony liked it) and the first half hour of temple grandin (claire danes as an autistic savant who improves the lot of cattle on the way to the slaughter). got suitcases up from basement, showing max the basement and he commenting that people could live down there. (jukes/roaches do live down there. that is where i plan to put some books.) the fact is the guilt about leaving israel- mich norm 90, other people 5, israel 5, drives me to tantrum, because tantrum is my replacement for decision.

hamas is shooting people on the west bank, killed four near hebron the other day and mondoweiss has many voices that express satisfaction with that, but other voices that express opposition to that. i put in my bare minimum (i thank you for this post) to ahmed moor the other day. first post in a while.

since america 2009

broken tooth
zev to town
resnick to town
asshole arabic teacher
micha quits me
phil weiss to town
david kammerman to town
nondependable reefer
purim at kenny
amital funeral
sheikh jarrah x 2
visit gush
visit karnei shomron
2 bat mitzvahs
one wedding
dad declines/Filipino
camcorder fuck up
reduction in viepax threat

(Y2) politics

I began my stay in Israel in favor of a 2 state solution as the best of the bad choices of solution and i still hold the same opinion. when the plo comes out in favor of a one state solution and begins to advocate east jerusalem arabs signing up for citizenship that will be the point when the rubber hits the road in terms of how left i am willing to be.

I went to a few rallies: two rallies in Sheikh Jarrah where i felt alone and out of tune with the other rally'ers. one saturday night rally in favor of the new left contract, i arrived at the tail end of the rally because buses after shabbat start real late and the rally which was mostly for out of towners started real early and my reaction was mostly argumentative. some rally near the prime minister's "residence" that was either about corruption or about freeing gilad shalit, i don't remember which. I remember arguing a couple (at least 3) times with people at the "women in black" in kikar paris. I argued against a sign that said, "obama shut up" at the december 09 anti settlement freeze rally in kikar paris. the right wingers are a bunch of shits. i've had people tell me to leave israel, some asshole getting on a bus near mashbir and the people at the "obama shut up" rally and after the new left rally when arguing with rightists.

if any single event changed me politically it was the gaza war. I think the war went on too long and was too destructive and in retrospect they could have changed the siege rules to reach an agreement.

i was repulsed (too strong) at the rally against the turkish embassy in the aftermath of the mavi marmara (that i saw on t.v.).

my participation in the mondoweiss web site and even before that in the jewcy web site moved me to the left because of my needs to reach an intellectually consistent opinion, which is only necessary if one argues with leftists and is not necessary if i am sitting alone in my room reacting to each headline one by one.

my visit to karnei shomron was my most advanced stay in the territories and i have written about that before.

I didn't vote for obama.
I am against attacking the iranian nuclear project by israel and probably by america as well.
carey fredman's advocacy of attacking it plus his motorcycle accident afterwards, plus micha odenheimer's wife's vehement opposition to it, clarified the validity of the opposition to israel's attack on it.

I met phil weiss. i met shmuel from italy.

I felt the attack on the merkaz harav school before i even read about it.

I studied arabic and saw lots of arabs at the malcha mall.

I tried to cop in the old city but various factors stood in my way.